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A FREE online feature to print off and read. Written by Kathleenruth
 
   
   
10 Keys to Healthy Relationships at Home and Work
 

1 Know yourself

In order to 'be' yourself, you have to have a 'self' to be. Know what you like and what you dislike. Have the courage to follow your heart and be different from others because you are unique. What are the unique gifts and talents you bring to the world? Find out what they are and use them.     

2 Be yourself

Old advice and certainly the best. Too many people 'lose' themselves in relationships. Not only love relationships but also in those with our parents, siblings or the boss. Bending over backwards trying to please others doesn't work. No-one can be 'all things to all men'. There will always be those who think you walk on water, and those who think you were born in the fires of hell. Keeping a clear sense of self is essential. Once you know who you really are, be as much of yourself as you can possibly be, almost to the point of exaggeration. Fill yourself with the essence of YOU. In this way you will shine out like a beacon to those who will love you for it. They will be attracted to you like moths to a light. Those who wouldn't like you anyway will simple leave your space because they can clearly see you are not for them.     

3 Love yourself

This sounds so cheesy it's almost a cliché - yet it is a universal truth. You can't expect others to love you if you can't love yourself. You can't love yourself if you don't even like yourself. Begin by noticing what it is about you that you like. Then practice moving towards self-love. If you hate parts of you, you will also hate others who carry those same qualities. In order to love others you must first learn to embrace all of you - warts and all. 

4 Shine

Tell the world who you are. Get out there and do whatever it is you do best - all the time. Be your own best advert. Let others see who you really are, and those who are attracted to you will start to enter your life.

5 Nurture your network

Now you have people streaming into your life, just to be around you, but they won't be there forever if you don't know how to nurture your network. Our friends, colleagues and family carry us through those rougher times in life. Yet research shows that the most successful people have a network already in place, so that when they call on people for support in a crisis, the support comes fast and willingly, because people feel cared about. Don't wait until you need people to contact them. This makes people feel used. A network is like a garden - if you tend to your 'plants' lovingly and regularly they will willingly blossom when you need them to.

6 Don't blame and criticise others

Blaming and criticising have almost become our national sport. Yet it is extremely destructive in relationships. Knowing yourself means knowing what you are not comfortable with. If others say or do something that makes you in any way uncomfortable - let them know, and do something about it. We all have our off days. Don't expect others to always be mindful of your feelings. The behaviour of other people, and how you feel about it, are two separate issues. Take responsibility for your own feelings and don't expect others to read your mind.

7 Don't take things personally

Whatever others say or do it is NEVER personal. It is always about them. If someone says you've put on weight - it is about them. It is merely their opinion. Maybe THEY are having an off day and are really worried about their own weight! What they mean is they think you've put weight on. They might be wrong! Don't go around worrying over something that may not even be true!

8 Notice your reactions

When others say or do something that drives you crazy just notice how you react. Your reaction is about you. What does it say about you? You are probably reacting to something that happened in your past and this current situation reminds you of it.

9 Choose your response

It is good to remember the old advice: 'take a deep breath and count to 10'. In this space you can create choices for yourself. Review what your options are, and what the consequences might be, of any action you take. In relationships a 'good fight' doesn't always clear the air. Fighting might just become a habit - and a very destructive one. Don't get involved in an 'arms race' where you save up ammunition to use against one another. Find yourself a calm space and choose the response that most honours you.

10 Love is a verb

And finally, remember that love is a verb: 'to love'. It is not just something that exists, like air, that we either have or we don't. It is also something we do and something we create. If you want better relationships with everyone in your life you could do worse than simply loving everyone. And that means including yourself!

©Ruth Hadikin 2002. This article may not be reproduced whole or in part without permission from the author. To obtain permission e-mail Ruth Hadikin at ruth@dreamcoach.co.uk

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