Co-Active Coaching: An Introduction by Life Coach Kathleenruth Hadikin

Testimonials:

Why people love coaching...

"Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one"

"[coaching] works like magic!"

"You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental"

"I cannot speak too highly of Ruth’s continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities."

"I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I’d done this earlier."

"Ruth is a practical, warm, intuitive, knowledgeable coach... Through being coached by Ruth, I discovered validation of myself and acknowledged that whatever stage I'm at, it's okay. It's not enough to say that Ruth Hadikin is a brilliant coach. It is true, but that doesn't begin to express her deep and thorough understanding of what motivates people and her instinctive knowing of what stage they're at and where they need to go next. Such a skill is not merely valuable, but priceless."

Julie Plenty, Personal and Business Coach, (UK)

"I was not happy at work and this had been a thorn in my side for several years. The exercises we worked through together, particularly the one about personal boundaries have helped enormously. I feel a lot more self-assured and happier within myself. I've learned to trust my feelings and they have served me well. I have decided to work for myself. There is so much to do and a lot of uncertainty but I know that I can make it work. That kind of feeling and inner strength is something I did not have before I started a coaching programme with you. Thanks for your help and support"

Theresa Mc Gouran, Founder and Director, TM Investigations.(UK)

"Working with Ruth as my Life Coach has helped me clarify what's important in my life and as a result I can now see clearly where I want my business to go and what steps I need to get there."

Nicola Hall, Company Director, NbLife Ltd(UK)

It was not just luck that I came across Ruth as my life coach. As an experienced midwife, I found that I was unable to control the stress that was building up in my life. Working with Ruth as coach, my stress level was down by 80% in just over two months! Everything is back in perspective, and I am beginning to enjoy my life again. I consider myself fortunate to have Ruth as my life coach partner, as I progress through this journey of finding the real me."

Jacqui, Midwife, Merseyside (UK).

"There I was a middle-aged woman who had been in the same dull job for years, deciding at the ripe old age of fifty to go back to college and study something completely different. Eighteen months into my three-year diploma course I was teetering on the edge of :'I can't do this, I'm not clever enough'. At that point Ruth became my coach, and changed my attitude towards myself. YES! I am clever enough - I will get through this. Ruth is the best thing. How lovely it felt, just having someone who is completely there for you, week after week for that lovely chat. Plus the beautiful poems and E-mails sent between calls to keep you going. Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one."

Y.C. Mature Student, Liverpool (UK)

Choosing Ruth as my coach has been the best decision I could have ever made. I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth in the last 6 months under her wisdom, patience, support, understanding, guidance, love and encouragement. Thru our work together I have a deeper understanding and love for myself. I am now able to take my own coaching clients further in their personal journey. When one so precious gives of their wisdom and love it cannot help but spread, lives touching lives, through out all the world. Thank You Ruth, you are truly amazing."

Sandy Tremp, Life Coach, Phoenix, AZ (USA)

"I am very happy I picked you to be my coach. I am particularly pleased because you use your intuition in the coaching process which makes it much 'smoother', and it helps me feel like we are on the same wavelength. It also helps us get to the important issues that much quicker! When we spoke over the phone the first time, I felt that you use your intuition more than any other coach I had spoken with. You've also helped me look at my life with someone else's eyes - now I ask myself questions that you might ask during the call. It is more fun doing it together though! You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental."

M.S. Engineer and Teacher. (UK & Europe).

Many thanks for your invaluable support. I wouldn't have got this far without you"

C.L. Journalist, Lancashire (UK)

"I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out."

S.W.Anaesthetist.(UK)

"[coaching] worked/works like magic! I got through the last 2 weeks... with a much better spirit - using visualisation and affirmation. ..have already presented a seminar.. with help of noticing first signs of tension/panic, breathing and affirmations and it was good. Thank You!!"

M.S. Student Midwife, Scotland(UK)

"During the past six months, I have been fortunate enough to benefit from the services which Ruth provides to assist me through a period of personal and professional crisis. I initially used Ruth's telephone coaching service and more recently the e-coaching service. Without the foundation of professional integrity, warmth and mutual respect which Ruth quickly established, it would not be possible to feel in a "safe enough environment" in which to endeavour to further my personal and professional development. I have often found the advice or suggestions which Ruth offers to be hard to fully grasp or even believe on first hearing. However, so far I have invariably found her ideas to be worth either persevering with or revisiting at a later date. Moreover I have found my confidence in Ruth's coaching (and my subsequent courage to face current and future challenges) further strengthened by reference to other resources such as books and professionals from other disciplines. Using a personal coach is a good example in itself of trying something new which originally felt like moving into uncertain (and frightening) territory. My personal views have changed significantly concerning working with Ruth to such an extent that I would now unreservedly recommend Ruth's services to people from all age groups and walks of life. I have found regular reviews of my progress with Ruth to be invaluable measures and reminders of how much I have achieved and progressed during the past few months. This also serves as inspiration for continuing to work hard with, and get the best from Ruth and her diverse talents and experience. Ruth has made a significant contribution on my journey towards self-discovery and self-worth. I realise that regardless of how long I work with Ruth, there will be many of the changes I am in the process of incorporating into my life including key phrases, topics and advice which will be useful in the future. In particular this would relate to the degree to which one should value and care for oneself."

Clare Robson, IT consultant, North Wales.(UK)

"When I first contacted Ruth I didn't know which direction to take in my life. I had lost my job through chronic fatigue and felt bewildered and unsure about the future. Assisted by Ruth's amazing gift of directing me to look inside myself for answers and not externally. I am now on a wonderful journey of self discovery and growth. Ruth has a unique ability to assist you in the realisation that everyday experiences and feelings, no matter how painful, are opportunities for spiritual growth, and should be honoured. I am no longer worrying about my future, as I know that through the wonderful work I am doing with Ruth, it will become clear, when I am ready."

Myra Wylupek, Edinburgh, Scotland.(UK)

"When I asked Ruth to be my coach, I was facing a huge crisis at work and was on the verge of handing in my notice as a teacher. My self-confidence was very low and I hardly dared believe that I could take control of my life and start to enjoy life again. After speaking to Ruth for an initial chat, I felt exhilarated and confident that I had found a great genuine coach who would help me to become the best I could be. I have had Ruth as a coach for four months and I can only marvel at the changes in my life. I have been able to turn the situation around at work and am now looking forward to moving on in my career. Ruth's coaching sessions have afforded me the chance to regain my self esteem and sense of purpose; her intuition and insights are so helpful and relevant - everything begins to fall into place after a few sessions; I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I'd done this earlier. I cannot speak too highly of Ruth's continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities. Ruth is the dream coach who has given me the confidence to stop worrying and start living again. My quality of life has improved immeasurably in all areas from my career to my social life. I cannot praise Ruth's services enough - I would heartily recommend Ruth's coaching to anyone. Being coached by Ruth is one of the most rewarding relationships I have ever had."

Sue Jamieson, Liverpool, England.(UK)

"Ruth's coaching has helped me to gain the confidence to admit to myself and others that I had chosen the wrong career for me and has given me valuable tools to help me find my true vocation and get from an unrewarding life on to the path to an exciting future doing things that I love"

FLW, UK

"If you do not change direction, you'll end up where you are heading" - Lao Tzu."I feel this quote best sums up the position I was in before coaching. Together we prioritised career options, gave me courage to change negative situations into ones I can take control of and be in a positive position. I have gained a new purpose through my course and the hope of a career in this area. You helped me start this journey."

KP, Lancashire, UK.

A FREE online feature to print off and read. Written by Kathleenruth



The Coaching Corner series: Co-Active Coaching - an introduction ©The Practising Midwife.Reproduced with permission. An original article written by Ruth for The Practising Midwife Journal. This article appeared in the July/August 2001 issue (Volume 4 Number 7)

Launching a regular feature to help you realise your potential. Coaching is an effective tool for personal and professional change. The Coaches Training Institute define coaching as: "… a powerful alliance designed to forward and enhance the lifelong process of human learning, effectiveness and fulfillment"¹ By the 90's it was recommended to managers as a tool for improving performance: "A manager's task is simple - to get the job done and to grow his staff. Time and cost pressures limit the latter. Coaching is one process with both effects."² Coaching is rapidly evolving as a profession in it's own right. Some coaches work independently , others work as coaches within organisations or may be managers who have coaching as part of their role. The approaches which may be of interest to midwives are known as personal (or 'life') coaching and career (or professional development) coaching. Co-active coaching I believe that what happens in your personal life affects your work, so I would rather not distinguish between personal and professional development, or career coaching and life coaching. I prefer an holistic approach and base my coaching style around the co-active coaching model described by Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl.³The philosophy of co-active coaching is based on the following four cornerstones: "The client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Co-active coaching addresses the client's whole life. The agenda comes from the client. The relationship is a designed alliance." ³ Coaches are not experts or consultants: they often ask more questions than they provide answers. A coach creates a safe, comfortable, space with time to think, reflect and plan. The essence of the coaching call is to provide an ideal learning environment, usually over the telephone. Any action is better than no action at all. "There is no one giant step that does it. It's a lot of little steps." - Peter A. Cohen, Investment banker Everybody is leading busier lives these days. It is unlikely that you are managing your time ineffectively: in my experience, midwives are among the most effective time managers I have met. Time management is never an issue when the fact of the matter is that you simply have too much to do! If you are a midwife and working mother/ parent/ somebody's partner/ wife/ husband/ home owner/ business owner (add or delete where applicable!) the chances are you feel totally overwhelmed at times by the amount of things you need to get done. Feeling overwhelmed becomes a problem when it leads to your being ineffective. You may actually get less done. The overwhelming mountain of tasks that lie before you pushes you into a state of inertia. Then you feel bad and tell yourself you 'should' be doing more. Working with a coach helps you to prioritise where action will be effective and identify those things you will never do because you simply don't want to. (It's pointless telling yourself you 'should' and wasting even more energy in guilt tripping and worrying!) One of the benefits that the coach brings to the relationship is the call to action. Any action, no matter how small, to move towards a desired goal or outcome is a step in the right direction. Even if it just means clearing some space at the dining-room table so you can begin writing that essay! Taking the smallest action toward your goal immediately makes you feel better. It shifts you out of inertia and gets you moving again. Develop your vision Working with a coach helps you see the bigger picture. What is it you really (really) want from your life and career? Most midwives don't want to stop work completely. They just want more balance between their work commitments and their home life. By working with a coach, concentrating on what you really want, you develop a sharp, clear, focused image of your personal vision. You may think this is the first step. But your vision must be in alignment with your personal values. So first you have to know what they are! Values Write down as many values as you can think of. Your values are usually the things that drive your decisions - like having fun, laughter, peace of mind or spirituality. Choose your top ten and write them down on separate pieces of paper. With a friend, sit down and play this bartering game with your 'paper values'. Ask your friend to read from the following list: You will be a millionaire if you just give up one value. You will have excellent health and never feel pain again. (Give up one value). There will be an end to all war. (Give up one value). Rid the world of disease (one value). End world poverty (two values). Heal the planet (three values - come on, hand them over!) You have one value left. Which is it? This is your most treasured personal value. If your life and work don't reflect this value you are not being true to yourself. Your next step is to create a vision for your future that reflects your most important values. Once you have your vision you will be much more effective personally if you channel your time, energy and talents only into those activities which are going to benefit you, and bring you nearer to your goal. Ask yourself the following questions: Why am I doing this? What will I get out of it? and Is it what I really, really want? Setting personal and professional goals So now you have a personal vision. What next? Look at the reality. What is the difference between where you are now, and your vision? Once you have identified this gap you have the potential for a strategy. Ask yourself: 'What needs to be done to bridge the gap between my present reality and my vision?' A brainstorming session can help you identify the factors needed to bridge the gap. What skills, knowledge and resources will you need? What is the time scale involved? At this stage your coach acts as a partner and may well contribute ideas that perhaps you hadn't thought of. Two or more people will always come up with more ideas than one person will alone. As your coach contributes his or her ideas you will begin to look at the issue from a different perspective. This gives you many more options to choose from and can be especially helpful in situations where you felt your choices were limited. Once you have identified what you need, you can break it down into smaller goals. Each goal should be designed to move you one tiny step nearer to your vision. Once you have your overall strategy (complete with your goals) you can begin to design action steps towards achieving those goals. Think of one simple thing you can do today which will move you nearer to your vision, then act on it. You wouldn't begin a long journey into unfamiliar territory without some kind of a map would you? Once you have completed your strategy, goals and identified action steps, you will have the map that will direct you towards your vision. You need your personal map before you can begin your personal journey. This sounds so idealistic I can almost hear you saying: 'But there are obstacles in my way! Life's not as simple as that!' Of course it isn't. But why struggle alone? Use your coach to co-create your map then boldly take the first step. You and your coach will deal with obstacles together: pooling ideas until you have found a way for you to get up, over, around, under or through them! You may not get there as fast as you would like to, but one thing is for sure: if you don't begin the journey you will never get there! The navigator Your coach needs to know where you are going so that he or she can hold your map and navigate your course. If you appear to be draining your energy by repeatedly doing activities that weren't on your original agenda and do not seem in alignment with your stated vision your coach will ask you why. There is no blame or criticism. It is a safe, non-judgemental space based on trust. In having you ask yourself questions, and reflect on why you are doing what you are doing, a coach helps you to learn about yourself. Your problems are sometimes symptoms of an underlying issue or old habit. Your coach encourages you to treat the source so that the symptoms don't re-appear. You may find your planned goals weren't really what you wanted to do at all, and that you were pursuing certain goals or activities because you felt you 'should', 'ought' or 'must'. These are 'red flag' words to a coach. If you tell me you 'should' do something, I ask, 'Who said you should?' 'Shoulds' always come from outside of us. From other people. If we are spending a lot of time and energy doing what others feel we 'should', we will feel tired, drained and miserable. Alternatively it may be the case that your goals are right for you, and that you are being detracted from your goals by unrelated activities which others feel you 'must', or 'should' do. Coaching Corner Coaching is a safe space where practically anything goes (within reason). During my research for the book The Bullying Culture⁴, which I co-wrote with Muriel O'Driscoll, I realised how much is left unsaid. Midwives had deep concerns about many issues ranging from bullying at work, their personal finances, their health (both physical and mental) but to name a few. Many of these concerns held implications for professional practice yet midwives felt they had no forum in which to safely discuss their concerns without fear of blame, criticism or even worse: dismissal and /or a threatened disciplinary action. Coaching provides just such a forum. [The Coaching Corner series featured here first appeared in The Practising Midwife journal in 2001. To receive the latest updates and special offers on coaching programs click here and join our mailing list. You can also REGISTER at anytime for a free introductory coaching consultation.] Be extremely selfish. I want midwives [and everyone!] to see that it is not only OK but also necessary to care for themselves. Indeed, in my opinion, midwives have a professional responsibility to be selfish! Again, during research for The Bullying Culture⁴, I spoke with many midwives whose sense of dedication to duty seemed dangerously close to self-neglect in their disregard for their own health and well being. Skipping meal breaks, working late, taking on too much. Partners and family thinking they've been abandoned and that you've left home. You've heard it all before. I've also 'been there' and done it. Call the coach! I invite you to call me, Monday to Friday between 9am and 6pm, for a coaching call. You will not be charged for the coaching and calls usually take about half an hour. Bring any concern, problem, challenge, issue, and dilemma - no matter how big or small. It can be any issue from your new baby keeping you awake at night to your being bullied at work or your financial difficulties. Absolutely anything. Your call will be anonymous and totally confidential. REGISTER any time for a free introductory coaching call with KathleenRuth References 1. From the web site of The Coaches Training Institute at http://www.thecoaches.com 2. Whitmore, J. (1992) Coaching For Performance. London: Nicholas Brealey Publishing. 3. Whitworth,L; Kimsey-House,H; Sandahl,P. Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. California: Davis-Black Publishing. 1998. 4.Hadikin, R; O'Driscoll, M. (2000) The Bullying Culture: cause, effect, harm reduction. Oxford: Books For Midwives

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