Personal Transformation - part 3: the shift

Testimonials:

Why people love coaching...

"Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one"

"[coaching] works like magic!"

"You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental"

"I cannot speak too highly of Ruth’s continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities."

"I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I’d done this earlier."

"Ruth is a practical, warm, intuitive, knowledgeable coach... Through being coached by Ruth, I discovered validation of myself and acknowledged that whatever stage I'm at, it's okay. It's not enough to say that Ruth Hadikin is a brilliant coach. It is true, but that doesn't begin to express her deep and thorough understanding of what motivates people and her instinctive knowing of what stage they're at and where they need to go next. Such a skill is not merely valuable, but priceless."

Julie Plenty, Personal and Business Coach, (UK)

"I was not happy at work and this had been a thorn in my side for several years. The exercises we worked through together, particularly the one about personal boundaries have helped enormously. I feel a lot more self-assured and happier within myself. I've learned to trust my feelings and they have served me well. I have decided to work for myself. There is so much to do and a lot of uncertainty but I know that I can make it work. That kind of feeling and inner strength is something I did not have before I started a coaching programme with you. Thanks for your help and support"

Theresa Mc Gouran, Founder and Director, TM Investigations.(UK)

"Working with Ruth as my Life Coach has helped me clarify what's important in my life and as a result I can now see clearly where I want my business to go and what steps I need to get there."

Nicola Hall, Company Director, NbLife Ltd(UK)

It was not just luck that I came across Ruth as my life coach. As an experienced midwife, I found that I was unable to control the stress that was building up in my life. Working with Ruth as coach, my stress level was down by 80% in just over two months! Everything is back in perspective, and I am beginning to enjoy my life again. I consider myself fortunate to have Ruth as my life coach partner, as I progress through this journey of finding the real me."

Jacqui, Midwife, Merseyside (UK).

"There I was a middle-aged woman who had been in the same dull job for years, deciding at the ripe old age of fifty to go back to college and study something completely different. Eighteen months into my three-year diploma course I was teetering on the edge of :'I can't do this, I'm not clever enough'. At that point Ruth became my coach, and changed my attitude towards myself. YES! I am clever enough - I will get through this. Ruth is the best thing. How lovely it felt, just having someone who is completely there for you, week after week for that lovely chat. Plus the beautiful poems and E-mails sent between calls to keep you going. Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one."

Y.C. Mature Student, Liverpool (UK)

Choosing Ruth as my coach has been the best decision I could have ever made. I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth in the last 6 months under her wisdom, patience, support, understanding, guidance, love and encouragement. Thru our work together I have a deeper understanding and love for myself. I am now able to take my own coaching clients further in their personal journey. When one so precious gives of their wisdom and love it cannot help but spread, lives touching lives, through out all the world. Thank You Ruth, you are truly amazing."

Sandy Tremp, Life Coach, Phoenix, AZ (USA)

"I am very happy I picked you to be my coach. I am particularly pleased because you use your intuition in the coaching process which makes it much 'smoother', and it helps me feel like we are on the same wavelength. It also helps us get to the important issues that much quicker! When we spoke over the phone the first time, I felt that you use your intuition more than any other coach I had spoken with. You've also helped me look at my life with someone else's eyes - now I ask myself questions that you might ask during the call. It is more fun doing it together though! You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental."

M.S. Engineer and Teacher. (UK & Europe).

Many thanks for your invaluable support. I wouldn't have got this far without you"

C.L. Journalist, Lancashire (UK)

"I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out."

S.W.Anaesthetist.(UK)

"[coaching] worked/works like magic! I got through the last 2 weeks... with a much better spirit - using visualisation and affirmation. ..have already presented a seminar.. with help of noticing first signs of tension/panic, breathing and affirmations and it was good. Thank You!!"

M.S. Student Midwife, Scotland(UK)

"During the past six months, I have been fortunate enough to benefit from the services which Ruth provides to assist me through a period of personal and professional crisis. I initially used Ruth's telephone coaching service and more recently the e-coaching service. Without the foundation of professional integrity, warmth and mutual respect which Ruth quickly established, it would not be possible to feel in a "safe enough environment" in which to endeavour to further my personal and professional development. I have often found the advice or suggestions which Ruth offers to be hard to fully grasp or even believe on first hearing. However, so far I have invariably found her ideas to be worth either persevering with or revisiting at a later date. Moreover I have found my confidence in Ruth's coaching (and my subsequent courage to face current and future challenges) further strengthened by reference to other resources such as books and professionals from other disciplines. Using a personal coach is a good example in itself of trying something new which originally felt like moving into uncertain (and frightening) territory. My personal views have changed significantly concerning working with Ruth to such an extent that I would now unreservedly recommend Ruth's services to people from all age groups and walks of life. I have found regular reviews of my progress with Ruth to be invaluable measures and reminders of how much I have achieved and progressed during the past few months. This also serves as inspiration for continuing to work hard with, and get the best from Ruth and her diverse talents and experience. Ruth has made a significant contribution on my journey towards self-discovery and self-worth. I realise that regardless of how long I work with Ruth, there will be many of the changes I am in the process of incorporating into my life including key phrases, topics and advice which will be useful in the future. In particular this would relate to the degree to which one should value and care for oneself."

Clare Robson, IT consultant, North Wales.(UK)

"When I first contacted Ruth I didn't know which direction to take in my life. I had lost my job through chronic fatigue and felt bewildered and unsure about the future. Assisted by Ruth's amazing gift of directing me to look inside myself for answers and not externally. I am now on a wonderful journey of self discovery and growth. Ruth has a unique ability to assist you in the realisation that everyday experiences and feelings, no matter how painful, are opportunities for spiritual growth, and should be honoured. I am no longer worrying about my future, as I know that through the wonderful work I am doing with Ruth, it will become clear, when I am ready."

Myra Wylupek, Edinburgh, Scotland.(UK)

"When I asked Ruth to be my coach, I was facing a huge crisis at work and was on the verge of handing in my notice as a teacher. My self-confidence was very low and I hardly dared believe that I could take control of my life and start to enjoy life again. After speaking to Ruth for an initial chat, I felt exhilarated and confident that I had found a great genuine coach who would help me to become the best I could be. I have had Ruth as a coach for four months and I can only marvel at the changes in my life. I have been able to turn the situation around at work and am now looking forward to moving on in my career. Ruth's coaching sessions have afforded me the chance to regain my self esteem and sense of purpose; her intuition and insights are so helpful and relevant - everything begins to fall into place after a few sessions; I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I'd done this earlier. I cannot speak too highly of Ruth's continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities. Ruth is the dream coach who has given me the confidence to stop worrying and start living again. My quality of life has improved immeasurably in all areas from my career to my social life. I cannot praise Ruth's services enough - I would heartily recommend Ruth's coaching to anyone. Being coached by Ruth is one of the most rewarding relationships I have ever had."

Sue Jamieson, Liverpool, England.(UK)

"Ruth's coaching has helped me to gain the confidence to admit to myself and others that I had chosen the wrong career for me and has given me valuable tools to help me find my true vocation and get from an unrewarding life on to the path to an exciting future doing things that I love"

FLW, UK

"If you do not change direction, you'll end up where you are heading" - Lao Tzu."I feel this quote best sums up the position I was in before coaching. Together we prioritised career options, gave me courage to change negative situations into ones I can take control of and be in a positive position. I have gained a new purpose through my course and the hope of a career in this area. You helped me start this journey."

KP, Lancashire, UK.

A FREE feature to print off and read. Written by Kathleenruth


The Coaching Corner series: Personal Transformation - part 3: the shift ©The Practising Midwife.Reproduced with permission. An original article written by Ruth for The Practising Midwife Journal. This article appeared in the January 2002 issue (Volume 5 Number 1)

Ginny has taken back control of her life and feels GREAT! Last month we were introduced to Ginny who came to coaching to explore her career and promotion options. In addition to her weekly coaching call, Ginny keeps an e-mail journal. This month's coaching conversation is an extract from Ginny's eighth month of coaching, when a climate of trust between coach and client has been long established. Coaching case study Ginny has been a G grade midwifery sister for ten years and feels she has been 'in a rut'. She came to coaching to decide whether to 'get her act together' or leave midwifery. Last month we saw Ginny face up to a drinking problem. Ginny is now swimming twice weekly, working out in the Gym on alternate days, she has lost 30 pounds, and hasn't had a cold or the 'flu for over a year. She says she is now 'as fit as when she was 25'. She is working back on delivery suite, at her own request, has completed a refresher course and has just begun an access course toward a bachelors degree in midwifery. She has been keeping an e-mail journal that she sends to her coach in which she describes herself as 'full of energy' and says she feels 'like she could tackle anything'! The coaching conversation Coach: Hello Ginny - how are you? Ginny: I am doing GREAT! Coach: (laughing) It sounds like you are. So what's been happening this week? Ginny: Oh I hardly know where to begin! I feel fantastic, I have so much more energy, I'm really excited about starting my degree, it's something I've been interested in for years and never got around to doing... Coach: Wow! This is wonderful... what else? Ginny: I weighed myself and I've lost another 4 pounds this month. It's great! I'm not even dieting - it's just because I'm doing more exercise and not drinking. Coach: Well there are a lot of calories in beer aren't there? Ginny: Exactly... ooh! Ooh! And I nearly forgot to tell you... I've got an interview coming up for a promotion! Coach: Wow, that's fantastic! What's the post? Ginny: It's a new post, a 'H' grade clinical Midwifery manager, that's been created as part of the drive to bring in 'modern matrons'. Coach: Wonderful! How do you feel about it? Ginny: Scared to death! I haven't had an interview for about 11 years, but I'm excited about it too. I feel so wonderful at the moment, my future is looking bright and I believe I'm in with a good chance. But even if I don't get this post I just know I'll do something - I feel so positive and I'm not going back to stagnating! Coach: Brilliant! Ginny you are positively radiating - I can't see how they could not give you the job! (Laughing) Ginny: (laughing) I know - I can feel it myself! I keep thinking 'I must be a real pain - how does everyone put up with me?' But everyone at work has been great - they just come up to me and tell me how great I look and how much weight I've lost and someone even said: 'You've really changed lately - it's like you're a different person. I don't see 'problems' anymore... I look at them as challenges that will enhance my personal growth - once I've figured out how to get over them that is! Coach: What did you say? Ginny: Well, I said 'Do you mean because I've lost weight?' and she said 'Not just that - you're a lot brighter in yourself, less depressed and lighter - you're fun to be with!' Coach: Wow ,Ginny, she really gave you some important feedback didn't she? Ginny: Yes she did, and it felt great! I have also noticed how much easier it is for me to accept praise gracefully. In the past the 'old' Ginny would have argued with her! I would have said 'No you're wrong!' but this time I said 'thank-you I feel much better!' I can't believe it's really me. Coach: I am impressed Ginny - that is a really big shift for you. I wonder whether this would be a good time to acknowledge you, Ginny. To acknowledge how far you've come and how much you have worked on changing yourself. So that you really 'get' this Ginny. It is important not to 'step over' all the hard work you have done. Ginny: Hmm… yes I can see why it would be important - even now I'm beginning to 'forget' how bad I was... I can't understand why I let things drag on so long. Why didn't I do this sooner? Coach: Ginny, don't judge yourself. It wasn't 'good' or 'bad' it was just a place you were in at the time. In looking at how far you've come, the point is to acknowledge yourself, not blame yourself for not doing it sooner. So Ginny, what are some of the shifts you have made? Ginny: Wow… this is big! I have changed so much! Coach: I know, …and you did it Ginny, YOU. Ginny: I have shifted from negativity to being positive… Coach: Great, what else? Ginny: I don't see 'problems' anymore… I look at them as challenges that will enhance my personal growth - once I've figured out how to get over them that is! (Laughing) Coach: (laughing) So you are developing better problem-solving skills? Ginny: Yes, partly that, but it's also that I approach problems differently. They don't drain my energy anymore - I either deal with them right away or delegate them, or dump them in the bin if they're not important! Coach: Great! So you use the four 'D's: 'do', 'dump', 'delegate' or 'dungeon'? Ginny: Dungeon? Coach: Yes - file it away… Ginny: Oh right! Yes that... yet even that is just a matter of organisation ...it's all of that and more… like I have a lot more energy. I'm in a totally different place… I feel like a different person, problems don't seem so big and overwhelming… my life seems simpler! Coach: Mmm… feels wonderful doesn't it? Ginny: Yes! Like anything could happen and I wouldn't care… I mean, of course I would care, but I would deal with it, and then move on - it wouldn't drag me down! Coach: Ginny you have shifted from an 'overwhelm response' to a 'proactive response' Ginny: I've heard managers tell me I should be pro-active before but I never had the energy. I always thought: 'that's easy for you to say'. I couldn't see how to be pro-active. Coach: You couldn't see how to be pro-active from the place you were in Ginny. You had to shift who you were, in order to move to the place where you are now. In an overwhelm response you are already feeling overwhelmed and drained by your situation, so one more 'problem' just seems like the final straw. In a pro-active response you decide to tell the truth to yourself, stop pretending, develop trust and imagine a result. This is what you did Ginny, and it took some courage. You took a good, hard look at your reality and decided to change. You didn't run and hide, no matter how bad it looked, you persisted. You did it. Ginny: Wow! I did, didn't I? Coach: Yes you did! Do you acknowledge how far you have come? Ginny: Mmm… yes I do. I can also see how it is important for me to remember my journey so that I can help others who are on the same path. Coach: And you are already doing that Ginny, by just showing up as you are now, and being a role model. Well done Review points Let's look at what happened throughout this eight month coaching relationship. Ginny has made some astonishing shifts. Her willingness to examine her own life as though she was an impartial observer was the key to her success. She successfully resisted the temptation to judge herself, which lifted her out of her 'blame' cycle. Ginny took a good hard, look at her own reality. She was willing to move forward, one step at a time, and keep moving despite feeling bad at times. Ginny learned not to judge herself for her weaknesses, how to accept her humanity and how to acknowledge and build on her strengths. The coach supported Ginny, empowered her, and pointed out when she was being judgmental, blaming and counter-productive and helped her stay positive and motivated. Ginny did all the work. She committed to change, stuck to it and was willing to be honest with herself about what it was that held her back. She was surprised to discover that it was herself. If a person is to make permanent, lasting change in their life they must 'shift'. In coaching we talk about clients shifting 'from' something 'to' something. Like Ginny's shift from overwhelm to pro-activity. Shifts are where a person shifts from one paradigm or philosophy to another. They shift perspective so that they look and feel differently, even though their circumstances may have changed very little. Ginny's life has been turned on its head. She has become a different person. Many shifts have contributed to the overall effect, yet her environment has changed very little. To outsiders Ginny still works in the same hospital, with the same colleagues, she is still a midwife… but she is making such enormous personal changes that those around her cannot help but be influenced by her. She has become an inspiration to those around her and a role model. She is developing her leadership skills and is seen as being able to take responsibility without blame. I am confident that whether she gets this promotion or another one, Ginny is definitely going places! It is these internal shifts that make coaching effective in professional development. Coaching is professional development from the inside out. It focuses on who you are, because 'who you are' influences how you 'show up' in your professional role and in your life! Who are you being? I feel like a different person, problems don't seem so big and overwhelming... my life seems simpler!

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Ginny has taken back control of her life and feels GREAT!

Coaching case study

The coaching conversation

I don't see 'problems' anymore... I look at them as challenges that will enhance my personal growth - once I've figured out how to get over them that is!

Review points

"It is not enough to be free, we have to know that we are free, and know how to live freely"