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The Coaching Corner series: Personal Transformation - part 1: a beginning

©The Practising Midwife.Reproduced with permission. An original article written by Ruth for The Practising Midwife Journal. This article appeared in the November 2001 issue (Volume 4 Number 10)

 

Ginny feels stuck in a rut. Recognising her feelings is a step on the road to a new start, says coach Ruth

 

Introduction

'Transform - make a thorough or dramatic change in the form, outward appearance, character' (Allen, 1990)

Coaching isn't always about fast results. Coaching through change is a slow process. Results are not immediately apparent and may occur gradually over a longer time period. Ginny (not her real name) is a long-term client of mine. She came to coaching to explore her career and promotion options. In addition to her weekly coaching call, Ginny keeps a journal which she sends to me through e-mail. My e-mail responses continue to support her in between coaching calls. This month's coaching conversation is an extract from Ginny's second month of coaching, when a climate of trust between coach and client has been established.

 

Coaching case study

Ginny is dissatisfied with her work. She has been a G grade midwifery sister for ten years. She is 39 and feels she has been 'in a rut' for far too long. She sees her promotion prospects as non-existent. She feels clinically out of date and increasingly out of her depth. She is not as fit as she would like to be, has put on weight and her health is deteriorating. She feels sure that her peers and managers think of her as 'sloppy'. She worries about her competency to practice and is afraid to tell anyone. She has lost all enthusiasm and love for her work and came to coaching to decide whether to get her act together or leave midwifery.

 

The coaching conversation

Coach: Hello Ginny, how are you today?

Ginny: Well I'm not brilliant.

Coach: Hmm... I can hear that. Would you like to tell me about it?

Ginny: (sigh) I hardly know where to start…

Coach: OK Ginny. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and blow it out. OK. Now… tell me the first thing that comes to mind Ginny. Anything - just start talking.

Ginny: Well… what I'm thinking is… how did this happen… (sigh) how did I get in this mess in the first place? Y'know?

Coach: Are you 'in a mess' Ginny?

(silence)

Ginny: (crying) It feels like it….

Coach: 'It feels like it.'

(Coaching skills note: note the coach's use of mirroring Ginny's language and leaving silences for Ginny to fill. See last month's issue for more information on these coaching skills.)

Coach: Just let the tears flow Ginny… let them flow. My coach says 'tears are just energy in motion'. Think of an icicle as the sun warms it and it begins to melt.... Ginny?

Ginny: (sniffing) Yes?

Coach: Just like that icicle, something in you is starting to move and change. Do you feel that Ginny?

Ginny: Yes… I can't go on like this. I hate myself like this.

Coach: 'You hate yourself like this.' Let's look at where 'this' is - this place where you are right now, Ginny. If you think of life as a river… sometimes it can be a crystal clear mountain stream and sometimes it's like mud. Sometimes it's like Niagara Falls and sometimes it's just a trickle. But whatever it is - it's still your life and you are always right in the middle of it. At this very moment you are right in the middle of the process of Ginny's life. You're living it. Feeling it. Seeing it. What does it look like Ginny?

 

Think of life as a river... sometimes it can be a crystal clear mountain stream, and sometimes it's like mud

 

Ginny: Like mud!

Coach: Like mud. How does it feel there Ginny?

Ginny: Terrible. It feels horrible.

Coach: It does feel horrible doesn't it Ginny?

Ginny: Yes.

Coach: And you know… it is OK to feel horrible.

Ginny: How do you mean?

Coach: Don't try to change. Don't judge it. Don't try to suppress how you feel and don't make yourself wrong for feeling. Just notice it. It isn't good or bad, it just is. It's just where you are today and that's OK.

Ginny: (sigh) …I don't understand why I feel so bad.

Coach: Our feelings act as a barometer. While we are busying ourselves with everyday life we sometimes ignore what's best for our bodies and souls. Our feelings let us know when we are off track. It's your body trying to get your attention. Your body is saying: 'something isn't right for me here!' What isn't right for you Ginny?

Ginny: Well, one minute you're on top of everything - you have it all going for you. Then it becomes harder and harder to keep up. You feel like you have to keep running to stay in the same place… and the goalposts keep shifting. Before you know where you are, you're in a rut and that's it! You realise you're not going any further...

Coach: Do you believe you're not going any further?

Ginny: Yes - I'm tired of running to catch up. I feel exhausted and I'm sure I'm stuck here until I get my pension.

Coach: And you wouldn't want to stay there until you get your pension?

Ginny: No I would not!

Coach: Why don't you move?

Ginny: Oh right - just like that!

Coach: I'm serious Ginny - tell me what is in your way.

Ginny: I don't know where to start. What would I do? I haven't got the time or energy to start studying for exams again at my age… I'd never get a promotion or another job - I'm too out of date compared to the youngsters coming along… and I can't just leave - I have to pay the mortgage and the bills

(Coaching skills note: this 'venting' or 'clearing' is very important. Ginny is facing the reality of her current situation and has permission to complain. Only for a minute. After this the coach will begin to move Ginny towards taking action steps which will make a difference for her.)

Coach: So you choose to stay put - it's your choice.

Ginny: Huh! Some choice!

Coach: It is a choice though… it's still what you have chosen to do Ginny.

Ginny: Hobson's choice…

Coach: OK Ginny are you willing to explore this further?

Ginny: Sure.

Coach: Why haven't you just walked out?

Ginny: Oh that's ridiculous.

Coach: Humour me Ginny. Some people would have just walked out. Resigned. Why is that ridiculous to you?

Ginny: Well I'd be unemployed for a start!

Coach: So what if you were?

Ginny: Well I don't want to be unemployed and claiming benefits. I pay my way!

Coach: Exactly Ginny. You pay your way. That says something about you. You have a personal standard of 'paying your way'. And you have a sense of integrity. Integrity is important to you so, in order to preserve your integrity and maintain your personal standard, you make the choice to stay.

Ginny: Hmm… I can see what you mean.

Coach: Good. So Ginny… I wonder where you feel out of integrity with yourself?

(silence)

Ginny: (sigh) With my health. I know I'm not fit. Yet I'm supposed to give women advice on their health… I feel like a hypocrite.

Coach: You feel like a hypocrite… and that feels horrible for you doesn't it Ginny?

Ginny: Yes.

Coach: Okay Ginny, can I make a request?

Ginny: Yes.

Coach: I request that you identify and write down 10 health-related goals that you would like to achieve. Will you do that Ginny?

Ginny: Yes!

Coach: Great! When will you do it?

Ginny: I'll begin making a list as soon as I get off the phone!

Coach: Fantastic! Well done Ginny, I look forward to hearing how you got on. Keep journalling.

 

 

I haven't got the time or energy to start studying for exams at my age... I'd never get a promotion or another job - I'm too out of date

 

Review points

Let's look at what happened. During this coaching call:

  • Ginny faced up to her predicament.
  • She learned to observe and accept her current reality without judgement.
  • This allowed her to acknowledge her responsibility without blame and guilt
  • Ginny made the commitment to change herself.
  • The coach made a request for action.
  • Ginny committed to action.

Ginny's language reveals her limiting beliefs and her sense of powerlessness. It is important that the coach doesn't step over this, which is why the coach takes time to point out that Ginny has choice in the situation. Neither does the coach ignore Ginny's feelings, which are accepted, acknowledged and validated. The combination of acknowledging Ginny and demonstrating that she has a choice is very empowering. Ginny feels so disempowered in this situation that it is important to empower her to take action on her own behalf.

Given a similar situation, most of us would admit we do know what to do - we just don't do it. The very thought of change overwhelms us. We identify with Ginny's sense of powerlessness. We stay in our 'comfort zone' and do what it easiest rather than what is best. Doing 'what is easy' feels comfortable for us because we are creatures of habit. We love to stick to our routine and maintain the status quo. This doesn't help us to develop and achieve long term goals.

Next month we will continue to follow Ginny's progress

 

 

   
   
   

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