Last month we began to use the coaching case study to examine the role of coaching in personal and professional development. This month we continue to look at Katrina's case.

 

The coaching conversation

Coach: Hello Katrina - how did you get on since we last spoke?

Katrina: Not bad… things didn't go exactly according to plan but I got my breaks once or twice through the week.

Coach: What happened?

Katrina: Well, that first day I was a bit of a failure - we sort of got busy… it did cross my mind to go, and then I suppose I just avoided the issue. I think I'm a coward really.

Coach: Hmm… so Katrina, you think you're a 'failure' - a 'coward'. Tell me about that.

(Coaching skills note: the coach is 'mirroring' Katrina's own words back to her. Hearing your own words mirrored back from someone else gives you the opportunity to check whether you said what you meant, whilst confirming that what you are saying is really being heard. This is an empowering technique.)

Katrina: Well I'm not really a coward, you know? It's just that sometimes I could kick myself for not being braver - in fact I was so annoyed with myself for being a coward that first day, that I made my mind up to do something about it.

Coach: Ah! Did I hear a 'should' in that sentence?

Katrina: Pardon?

Coach: You just said: 'I could kick myself for not being braver'… that sounded like a 'should' to me. Who told you 'you should be braver'?

Katrina: Um… (puzzled) I don't know… me - I suppose!

Coach: OK leave it for now, but just be aware that you said it. At this stage just start noticing your language whenever you speak about yourself.

(Coaching skills note: in 'polite' conversation such an interruption would be considered rude. The coaching conversation is different. By drawing attention to the language she uses to describe herself, the coach develops Katrina's sense of self-awareness. The question stopped Katrina in her tracks and made her think. This was intentional.)

Katrina: Oh... OK.

Coach: So go ahead - you were about to tell me what you did…

Katrina: Ah right, well the next day I made up my mind that I would definitely take my lunch break around 12 if we weren't too busy…

 

By deliberately drawing attention to the language she uses to describe herself, the coach develops Katrina's sense of self-awareness

 

 

Coach: Good... how did it go?

Katrina: Well I kept looking at the clock and… it was funny really the way it happened because I get on quite well with the midwife who was in charge that day…

Coach: Yes?

Katrina: Yeah… so at about 11.45 I went to her and said 'should I go for my break at 12 o'clock and then I can be back to cover for the others?'…

Coach: That took some courage Katrina, good for you!

Katrina: Yes - thank-you. Then she said: 'Great idea! See if Angela will go with you and ask Jackie and Norma to cover your clients until you get back.'

Coach: Well done! How did that feel?

Katrina: It felt great! And it was so easy I couldn't believe I'd worried about it all that time!

Coach: 'it was so easy' - brilliant! … What made it easy for you Katrina?

Katrina: Good question. Hmm… I suppose the fact that I was determined to do it that day no matter what…

Coach: Good…'you were determined'. What else?

Katrina: ...well the fact that the midwife in charge was more approachable…

Coach: 'she was more approachable'... Good. What else?

Katrina: I don't know… um… oh! ...and the fact that I knew what to do!

Coach: 'you knew what to do'. Great! What else?

Katrina: um… I can't think of anything…

Coach: Okay, leave it there then. So tell me Katrina, where else in your life do you want to develop strong boundaries?

Katrina: Oh definitely when it comes to getting off on time…

Coach: Right… do you want to tell me about that?

Katrina: Well… you know I'm behind with my degree studies?

Coach: Yes.

Katrina: I'd planned to study after work: while dinner is cooking, and I'm waiting for my husband to come home, but it never works out the way I planned!

Coach: Why not?

Katrina: Oh you know… (sighing) the same old story. There's always things to be done. You get roped in and then, before you know it, you've lost anywhere between 45 minutes and 2 hours. It's never less than 45 minutes.

Coach: So let's come up with a boundary statement on this. Katrina, what would your boundary be around getting off on time?

Katrina: Well - that I usually get off on time! Except for emergencies, of course.

Coach: Great! So your boundary statement is 'I usually get off on time'. You say it.

Katrina: (laughing, slightly mocking) I usually get off on time.

Coach: How did that feel?

Katrina: Well it feels fine here - it's making it work that will be the big challenge.

Coach: How will you meet that challenge Katrina?

Katrina: I haven't thought about it really.

Coach: Think about it now Katrina. Who are you choosing to be?

(silence)

Katrina: Well I'm not choosing to be a 'soft touch' anymore - that's for sure!

(Coaching skills note: If the silence is prolonged the coach has probably just asked an important question that requires a thoughtful answer. The coach resists the temptation to fill the silence preferring to wait for Katrina's considered response.)

Coach: Good for you! So how will you make this challenge easy for yourself?

Katrina: …by being the person who chooses to speak up and is better thought of for it!

Coach: Well done Katrina - so could I put that into a request?

Katrina: OK.

Coach: Katrina, I request that you speak up for your new boundary of 'getting off on time'. Will you do that?

Katrina: Yes - definitely!

Coach: Great! When will you do it?

Katrina: This week. Every day - starting tomorrow!

Coach: Fantastic! Well done Katrina, I look forward to hearing how you got on.

 

 

Review points

Let's look at what happened. During the coaching call:

• Katrina reflects on the action she took last week.
• The coach empowers Katrina by mirroring her language and acknowledging that it takes courage to change.
• The coach gently moves Katrina forward further, by suggesting she set another boundary.
• Katrina identifies another area where she would like to have strong boundaries and sets a boundary statement.
• The coach requests that Katrina assert her new boundary.
• Katrina commits herself to asserting her new boundary.

What happens next is up to Katrina. The changes she is making in her life will require her to be persistent. She could still, at this stage, easily slip back to her 'old' way of doing things. Repetition is the key to developing a new habit. Katrina's new found skill in developing and asserting her personal boundaries must be repeated frequently if it is to become second nature to her.

 

 

You need rest. You shouldn't feel 'guilty' for needing it, you simply need it just as you need food and water: to survive

 

Develop your personal boundaries

Consider Katrina's new boundary statement:

I usually get off on time.

When you say 'yes' to staying late at work, what are you really saying 'no' to?

• Being with your family?
• Studying for your degree?
• Your own rest and relaxation?
• Your plans to walk the dog, go to the gym etc.

In the stock exchange you would never invest more than you could afford to lose. Can you really afford to invest your time, health and well-being? What return will you get on your investment?

You are not a machine. Even if you were, machines need to be well maintained if they are to function optimally. You need rest. You shouldn't feel 'guilty' for needing it, you simply need it just as you need food and water: to survive.