Building and restoring confidence

Testimonials:

Why people love coaching...

"Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one"

"[coaching] works like magic!"

"You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental"

"I cannot speak too highly of Ruth’s continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities."

"I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I’d done this earlier."

"Ruth is a practical, warm, intuitive, knowledgeable coach... Through being coached by Ruth, I discovered validation of myself and acknowledged that whatever stage I'm at, it's okay. It's not enough to say that Ruth Hadikin is a brilliant coach. It is true, but that doesn't begin to express her deep and thorough understanding of what motivates people and her instinctive knowing of what stage they're at and where they need to go next. Such a skill is not merely valuable, but priceless."

Julie Plenty, Personal and Business Coach, (UK)

"I was not happy at work and this had been a thorn in my side for several years. The exercises we worked through together, particularly the one about personal boundaries have helped enormously. I feel a lot more self-assured and happier within myself. I've learned to trust my feelings and they have served me well. I have decided to work for myself. There is so much to do and a lot of uncertainty but I know that I can make it work. That kind of feeling and inner strength is something I did not have before I started a coaching programme with you. Thanks for your help and support"

Theresa Mc Gouran, Founder and Director, TM Investigations.(UK)

"Working with Ruth as my Life Coach has helped me clarify what's important in my life and as a result I can now see clearly where I want my business to go and what steps I need to get there."

Nicola Hall, Company Director, NbLife Ltd(UK)

It was not just luck that I came across Ruth as my life coach. As an experienced midwife, I found that I was unable to control the stress that was building up in my life. Working with Ruth as coach, my stress level was down by 80% in just over two months! Everything is back in perspective, and I am beginning to enjoy my life again. I consider myself fortunate to have Ruth as my life coach partner, as I progress through this journey of finding the real me."

Jacqui, Midwife, Merseyside (UK).

"There I was a middle-aged woman who had been in the same dull job for years, deciding at the ripe old age of fifty to go back to college and study something completely different. Eighteen months into my three-year diploma course I was teetering on the edge of :'I can't do this, I'm not clever enough'. At that point Ruth became my coach, and changed my attitude towards myself. YES! I am clever enough - I will get through this. Ruth is the best thing. How lovely it felt, just having someone who is completely there for you, week after week for that lovely chat. Plus the beautiful poems and E-mails sent between calls to keep you going. Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one."

Y.C. Mature Student, Liverpool (UK)

Choosing Ruth as my coach has been the best decision I could have ever made. I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth in the last 6 months under her wisdom, patience, support, understanding, guidance, love and encouragement. Thru our work together I have a deeper understanding and love for myself. I am now able to take my own coaching clients further in their personal journey. When one so precious gives of their wisdom and love it cannot help but spread, lives touching lives, through out all the world. Thank You Ruth, you are truly amazing."

Sandy Tremp, Life Coach, Phoenix, AZ (USA)

"I am very happy I picked you to be my coach. I am particularly pleased because you use your intuition in the coaching process which makes it much 'smoother', and it helps me feel like we are on the same wavelength. It also helps us get to the important issues that much quicker! When we spoke over the phone the first time, I felt that you use your intuition more than any other coach I had spoken with. You've also helped me look at my life with someone else's eyes - now I ask myself questions that you might ask during the call. It is more fun doing it together though! You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental."

M.S. Engineer and Teacher. (UK & Europe).

Many thanks for your invaluable support. I wouldn't have got this far without you"

C.L. Journalist, Lancashire (UK)

"I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out."

S.W.Anaesthetist.(UK)

"[coaching] worked/works like magic! I got through the last 2 weeks... with a much better spirit - using visualisation and affirmation. ..have already presented a seminar.. with help of noticing first signs of tension/panic, breathing and affirmations and it was good. Thank You!!"

M.S. Student Midwife, Scotland(UK)

"During the past six months, I have been fortunate enough to benefit from the services which Ruth provides to assist me through a period of personal and professional crisis. I initially used Ruth's telephone coaching service and more recently the e-coaching service. Without the foundation of professional integrity, warmth and mutual respect which Ruth quickly established, it would not be possible to feel in a "safe enough environment" in which to endeavour to further my personal and professional development. I have often found the advice or suggestions which Ruth offers to be hard to fully grasp or even believe on first hearing. However, so far I have invariably found her ideas to be worth either persevering with or revisiting at a later date. Moreover I have found my confidence in Ruth's coaching (and my subsequent courage to face current and future challenges) further strengthened by reference to other resources such as books and professionals from other disciplines. Using a personal coach is a good example in itself of trying something new which originally felt like moving into uncertain (and frightening) territory. My personal views have changed significantly concerning working with Ruth to such an extent that I would now unreservedly recommend Ruth's services to people from all age groups and walks of life. I have found regular reviews of my progress with Ruth to be invaluable measures and reminders of how much I have achieved and progressed during the past few months. This also serves as inspiration for continuing to work hard with, and get the best from Ruth and her diverse talents and experience. Ruth has made a significant contribution on my journey towards self-discovery and self-worth. I realise that regardless of how long I work with Ruth, there will be many of the changes I am in the process of incorporating into my life including key phrases, topics and advice which will be useful in the future. In particular this would relate to the degree to which one should value and care for oneself."

Clare Robson, IT consultant, North Wales.(UK)

"When I first contacted Ruth I didn't know which direction to take in my life. I had lost my job through chronic fatigue and felt bewildered and unsure about the future. Assisted by Ruth's amazing gift of directing me to look inside myself for answers and not externally. I am now on a wonderful journey of self discovery and growth. Ruth has a unique ability to assist you in the realisation that everyday experiences and feelings, no matter how painful, are opportunities for spiritual growth, and should be honoured. I am no longer worrying about my future, as I know that through the wonderful work I am doing with Ruth, it will become clear, when I am ready."

Myra Wylupek, Edinburgh, Scotland.(UK)

"When I asked Ruth to be my coach, I was facing a huge crisis at work and was on the verge of handing in my notice as a teacher. My self-confidence was very low and I hardly dared believe that I could take control of my life and start to enjoy life again. After speaking to Ruth for an initial chat, I felt exhilarated and confident that I had found a great genuine coach who would help me to become the best I could be. I have had Ruth as a coach for four months and I can only marvel at the changes in my life. I have been able to turn the situation around at work and am now looking forward to moving on in my career. Ruth's coaching sessions have afforded me the chance to regain my self esteem and sense of purpose; her intuition and insights are so helpful and relevant - everything begins to fall into place after a few sessions; I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I'd done this earlier. I cannot speak too highly of Ruth's continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities. Ruth is the dream coach who has given me the confidence to stop worrying and start living again. My quality of life has improved immeasurably in all areas from my career to my social life. I cannot praise Ruth's services enough - I would heartily recommend Ruth's coaching to anyone. Being coached by Ruth is one of the most rewarding relationships I have ever had."

Sue Jamieson, Liverpool, England.(UK)

"Ruth's coaching has helped me to gain the confidence to admit to myself and others that I had chosen the wrong career for me and has given me valuable tools to help me find my true vocation and get from an unrewarding life on to the path to an exciting future doing things that I love"

FLW, UK

"If you do not change direction, you'll end up where you are heading" - Lao Tzu."I feel this quote best sums up the position I was in before coaching. Together we prioritised career options, gave me courage to change negative situations into ones I can take control of and be in a positive position. I have gained a new purpose through my course and the hope of a career in this area. You helped me start this journey."

KP, Lancashire, UK.

A FREE online feature to print off and read. Written by Kathleenruth



The Coaching Corner series: Building and restoring confidence. ©The Practising Midwife.Reproduced with permission. An original article written by Ruth for The Practising Midwife Journal. This article appeared in the March 2002 issue (Volume 5 Number 3)

We meet Julie, a successful student midwife who has suddenly had a crisis of confidence OUR CONFIDENCE in our clinical skills can sometimes leave us inexplicably. Sometimes it's when we move between clinical areas and /or when we've had a period of leave. Whatever the reason we know that once we fall into a cycle of panic and increasing doubt in our ability it will affect our performance and it is hard to break the cycle. Courage is needed to take remedial action to restore our confidence. Coaching case study Julie is a student midwife. She has been progressing very well and has had good reports from each of her placements. She is currently on delivery suite. The first three weeks went well, then she became ill with the 'flu and took time off sick. Since her return to delivery suite her confidence has plummeted. She feels she is fumbling everything, is hesitant and has expressed concern that she 'is on a downward slope'. She can't understand why suddenly everything seems to be going wrong and feels the qualified staff watch her every move, just waiting for her next mistake. She says 'the thing is I know they are right - I am making a hash of everything'. The coaching conversation Julie: I'm not sure, I can't understand what's going on. I was fine before I went off and I just seem to have gone downhill since I came back. Now everyone's watching me more closely. At my interim report the midwife said I was hesitant and lacking confidence and she was right. I'm getting worse and I don't know why, let alone what to do. I feel like they're just waiting for me to get it wrong now. Coach: I see... have you discussed this with your mentor? Julie: Yes. She was very kind and did everything she could to help but I don't feel any better. I'm getting worse. Coach: One thing is for sure… if you believe you are 'worse' you will be. Do you believe you are worse? Julie: Not really. Part of me knows I can do this… I just seem to have gone to pieces. Coach: Julie, do you know that the 'learning curve' that we all hear about isn't a smooth upward curve at all? It's more like a series of steps. When you are learning something you sometimes have days when everything comes together and you perform like a master - that's what we call 'beginners luck'! It's as though nature is giving you a sneak preview of how good you will be when you have finished learning. For each one of those you will have many days when you just can't get it right at all. That's part of the process of learning. If you never got it wrong you wouldn't know what you were doing right when you got it right! Julie: I understand that, but it is so difficult now. The midwife said I was hesitant and lacking confidence and she was right Coach: Why now? Julie: Well, now that I've drawn attention to myself. They're all watching me now… just waiting for my next gaff! Coach: Julie there is one thing I want you to hear. Julie: Yes? Coach: What other people think is none of your business. Julie: Oh I like the sound of that. Coach: Midwifery is a highly regulated profession. You would not be able to perform at all if you were conscious of each moment that others may or may not be judging you or what they are thinking of you. One thing is certain. There will always be people who think you walk on water and there will always be those who think you were born in the fires of hell. You can't approach your practice trying to please everyone. You must just be clear in your mind of what you are doing and why, and satisfy yourself that you are doing the best you can. It's all you can do. Julie: Hmmm... I like the sound of that. The thing is though… I know I can do better… and have done… I just seem to have started panicking lately. This didn't used to happen… now a panic comes over me and I just know I'm going to fluff it. Coach: When you begin to panic what do you notice first? Julie: My face goes hot and I begin to blush. Coach: Okay, now when you notice that, take three deep breaths and realise that in that very moment you have a choice. You can either succumb to the panic or you can call on your wise self to step forward and handle the situation. Do you know what I mean by that Julie? Julie: I'm not sure… Coach: Have you noticed that when you panic you can forget things, yet when you are relaxed you can recall what you have learned quite easily? Julie: Yes! That's why I'm terrified of panicking because I know that's when I will forget what I'm doing and get it wrong. Coach: Okay so how can you avoid that happening? Julie: I don't know. Coach: You can take a deep breath and choose to find that place of stillness within you, rather than succumbing to the panic. This takes practice but you can use relaxation and visualisation techniques to help you. Once you find the still place within, you can recall everything you ever learned. Then you can perform slowly and surely, making sure you get it right. Or you can rush into it without thinking, panic and risk getting it wrong of course. That's up to you. Julie: Hmm… I look at the qualified midwives and feel like I'm just so slow. Coach: You will be slow compared to them but believe me, they'd much rather you get it right than rush things and do it wrong anyway. You are better to do things slowly and get them right every time. Your speed will pick up with practice. Julie: So how do I find the still place inside when the delivery suite is mad and everyone is rushing around. Coach: Okay. First remember that you are there to learn. It may be busy and your best chance at being able to help is to get whatever you do right. Intend to recall what you learned. It is very important that you set out with a clear intention. Then take three deep breaths and invite your wise one to step forward and handle the situation. This way you are connecting with that part of you knows you can do it. Do you have an example? Julie: Well I forget to take the baby's temperature before I bath it... Coach: Now may I just stop you there? Can I draw your attention to something you just said? Julie: Yes please do! Coach: You just said: 'I forget' It sounds like it's become part of who you are. It's as though you're saying: 'Hi, I'm Julie, I'm the one who forgets to take the baby's temperature!' Can you see that? Julie: (laughing) Yes I see what you mean. Coach: Okay, so first: it's just something you will learn how to do, so go easy on yourself. Now, have you tried any techniques to help you remember? Julie: No. Coach: Okay. Dominic O'Brien (1993) suggests you should think of something really ridiculous that will make you laugh, and then you'll remember. Are you willing to try this with me now? Julie: Sure! Coach: Great! Close your eyes and visualise a delivery room. Can you see one? Julie: Yes, delivery room 2. Coach: Okay good. Now picture this, you are standing outside delivery room 2 and someone calls you to come in and bath the baby, so you open the door. Julie: Okay. Coach: Right away you see an enormous baby… have you ever seen The Dancing Baby in that show Ally McBeal? (Channel 4, 2002) Julie: (laughing) Yes! Coach: Okay! This is exactly like it… an enormous 10 foot high dancing baby… only this one is chasing you with a huge thermometer… can you see it? Julie: (laughing) Yes! Coach: Great! So close the door quickly and you're standing outside again. Julie: Wow thank-you, that's really helpful. Coach: You're welcome. That visualisation technique was designed to help you remember and you can design one to help you perfect a skill. Julie: How? Coach: I'll show you. Give me an example of a technique, which you felt you fumbled this week. Julie: (sigh) Oh... I was asked to run a drip through... and I messed it up.. I was so slow and my hands were shaking... Coach: Okay let me stop you there. This is a great example. In theory, do you know how to do it? Julie: Yes, the midwives have shown me umpteen times. Coach: Great! So you just lack practice at actually doing it? Julie: Yes, but when they're watching me I'll do it wrong. Coach: If you think like that you will! What we're doing here is getting you to the point where you believe you'll do it right - and then you will! Julie: How? Coach: Are you willing to play again? Julie: Yes! Coach: Okay! Close your eyes and this time imagine you are setting up for an IV infusion. You are alone in the delivery room… can you see it? Julie: Yes! Coach: Okay now this is your visualisation. You are in control and you can make this go perfectly. So collect together everything you need. Julie: Yes, done it. Coach: Okay, so very slowly, connect it up… and run it through. Julie: Yes, done it! Coach: Brilliant, well done! Now can I make a request of you Julie? Julie: Yes! Coach: I request that you combine the techniques we've discussed today. Practice that visualisation every day for 10 minutes together with your 'baby' visualisation. Also create a visualisation for every other procedure where you lack confidence. Then when you are in the clinical area and you feel panic, pay attention, consciously relax and do it exactly like you would in your visualisation. Are you willing to do that? Julie: Yes I am - this feels great! Coach: Good. I'd love to hear how you get on Review points Let's look at what happened: Julie came to the coaching call willing to explore new ideas and be playful. The coach introduced several techniques to restore her confidence. Julie was able to distinguish between that part of herself that might panic, and that part of herself that believed she could do it. The coach made a request. Julie committed to action. Inside each of us is the part of ourselves where we store our self-belief. That part of us that 'knows we can do it'. When we use relaxation and visualisation techniques it is amazing how quickly we can reconnect with our self-belief and restore our confidence. As with so many things, all it takes is practice. Feedback from 'Julie' our client in the above article: "I've meant for ages to get back to you to say whatever it was... it worked/works like magic! I got through the last 2 weeks placement with a much better spirit - using visualisation and affirmation. Now I am in college for 12 weeks and have already given a seminar to the class with the help of 1) noticing the first signs of tension/panic, 2)breathing and 3) affirmations, and it was good. Thank you" Reader Comments: "I take the above publication although I am not a midwife but teach antenatal classes for the NCT. [National Childbirth Trust] Since Coaching Corner became a regular feature I have been riveted to it. Each month it is the first article that I turn to and am always hoping for more when I reach the end. It is so encouraging to see what other people can do to transform their lives and gives great hope to those of us who would dearly love to but are still summoning up the courage. From the very first article I thought that maybe this was what I needed but it took a few months to reach for the phone and call Ruth for a coaching session. We really are our own worst enemies and I need not have been worried. My session lasted about an hour and even in that short time learnt several things about myself that I was either unaware of or was unable to admit to myself. Ruth simply encourages you to work things out for yourself, with a few gentle prods to set you off in the right direction. She was most encouraging and has given me several things to think about and things to do. When I have finished those I may well be back for another session. I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out." "thank you so much for your assistance during our call, it highlighted so many areas of personal development, your a star! From the session, I gained so many developmental points. Things such as: 1. how to manage a situation where you feel you need to discuss how it made you feel. Empowering yourself to be assertive but not rude or threatening to the other person, so achieving your aim. 2.coping strategies for interpersonal relationships and how to protect and manage yourself to be constructive, but self developing. 3.self value and worth to be right, and wrong 4.that empowerment does not have to be critical of yourself and judgmental of yourself and others. 5. what everyone else thinks is truely non of my business so why try to change and suit people, just be me. I cant tell you how much you helped me Ruth, thank you."

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We meet Julie, a successful student midwife who has suddenly had a crisis of confidence

Coaching case study

The coaching conversation

The midwife said I was hesitant and lacking confidence and she was right

Review points

Feedback from 'Julie' our client in the above article:

Reader Comments:

"It is not enough to be free, we have to know that we are free, and know how to live freely"