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Ruth Hadikin & Associates
Transforming People and Workplaces
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"Coaching has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one"
Y.C, Liverpool, UK
Quick Help Links:
Testimonials:
"Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one"
"[coaching] works like magic!"
"You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental"
"I cannot speak too highly of Ruth’s continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities."
"I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I’d done this earlier."
"Ruth is a practical, warm, intuitive, knowledgeable coach... Through being coached by Ruth, I discovered validation of myself and acknowledged that whatever stage I'm at, it's okay. It's not enough to say that Ruth Hadikin is a brilliant coach. It is true, but that doesn't begin to express her deep and thorough understanding of what motivates people and her instinctive knowing of what stage they're at and where they need to go next. Such a skill is not merely valuable, but priceless."
Julie Plenty, Personal and Business Coach, (UK)
"I was not happy at work and this had been a thorn in my side for several years. The exercises we worked through together, particularly the one about personal boundaries have helped enormously. I feel a lot more self-assured and happier within myself. I've learned to trust my feelings and they have served me well. I have decided to work for myself. There is so much to do and a lot of uncertainty but I know that I can make it work. That kind of feeling and inner strength is something I did not have before I started a coaching programme with you. Thanks for your help and support"
Theresa Mc Gouran, Founder and Director, TM Investigations.(UK)
"Working with Ruth as my Life Coach has helped me clarify what's important in my life and as a result I can now see clearly where I want my business to go and what steps I need to get there."
Nicola Hall, Company Director, NbLife Ltd(UK)
It was not just luck that I came across Ruth as my life coach. As an experienced midwife, I found that I was unable to control the stress that was building up in my life. Working with Ruth as coach, my stress level was down by 80% in just over two months! Everything is back in perspective, and I am beginning to enjoy my life again. I consider myself fortunate to have Ruth as my life coach partner, as I progress through this journey of finding the real me."
Jacqui, Midwife, Merseyside (UK).
"There I was a middle-aged woman who had been in the same dull job for years, deciding at the ripe old age of fifty to go back to college and study something completely different. Eighteen months into my three-year diploma course I was teetering on the edge of :'I can't do this, I'm not clever enough'. At that point Ruth became my coach, and changed my attitude towards myself. YES! I am clever enough - I will get through this. Ruth is the best thing. How lovely it felt, just having someone who is completely there for you, week after week for that lovely chat. Plus the beautiful poems and E-mails sent between calls to keep you going. Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one."
Y.C. Mature Student, Liverpool (UK)
Choosing Ruth as my coach has been the best decision I could have ever made. I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth in the last 6 months under her wisdom, patience, support, understanding, guidance, love and encouragement. Thru our work together I have a deeper understanding and love for myself. I am now able to take my own coaching clients further in their personal journey. When one so precious gives of their wisdom and love it cannot help but spread, lives touching lives, through out all the world. Thank You Ruth, you are truly amazing."
Sandy Tremp, Life Coach, Phoenix, AZ (USA)
"I am very happy I picked you to be my coach. I am particularly pleased because you use your intuition in the coaching process which makes it much 'smoother', and it helps me feel like we are on the same wavelength. It also helps us get to the important issues that much quicker! When we spoke over the phone the first time, I felt that you use your intuition more than any other coach I had spoken with. You've also helped me look at my life with someone else's eyes - now I ask myself questions that you might ask during the call. It is more fun doing it together though! You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental."
M.S. Engineer and Teacher. (UK & Europe).
Many thanks for your invaluable support. I wouldn't have got this far without you"
C.L. Journalist, Lancashire (UK)
"I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out."
S.W.Anaesthetist.(UK)
"[coaching] worked/works like magic! I got through the last 2 weeks... with a much better spirit - using visualisation and affirmation. ..have already presented a seminar.. with help of noticing first signs of tension/panic, breathing and affirmations and it was good. Thank You!!"
M.S. Student Midwife, Scotland(UK)
"During the past six months, I have been fortunate enough to benefit from the services which Ruth provides to assist me through a period of personal and professional crisis. I initially used Ruth's telephone coaching service and more recently the e-coaching service. Without the foundation of professional integrity, warmth and mutual respect which Ruth quickly established, it would not be possible to feel in a "safe enough environment" in which to endeavour to further my personal and professional development. I have often found the advice or suggestions which Ruth offers to be hard to fully grasp or even believe on first hearing. However, so far I have invariably found her ideas to be worth either persevering with or revisiting at a later date. Moreover I have found my confidence in Ruth's coaching (and my subsequent courage to face current and future challenges) further strengthened by reference to other resources such as books and professionals from other disciplines. Using a personal coach is a good example in itself of trying something new which originally felt like moving into uncertain (and frightening) territory. My personal views have changed significantly concerning working with Ruth to such an extent that I would now unreservedly recommend Ruth's services to people from all age groups and walks of life. I have found regular reviews of my progress with Ruth to be invaluable measures and reminders of how much I have achieved and progressed during the past few months. This also serves as inspiration for continuing to work hard with, and get the best from Ruth and her diverse talents and experience. Ruth has made a significant contribution on my journey towards self-discovery and self-worth. I realise that regardless of how long I work with Ruth, there will be many of the changes I am in the process of incorporating into my life including key phrases, topics and advice which will be useful in the future. In particular this would relate to the degree to which one should value and care for oneself."
Clare Robson, IT consultant, North Wales.(UK)
"When I first contacted Ruth I didn't know which direction to take in my life. I had lost my job through chronic fatigue and felt bewildered and unsure about the future. Assisted by Ruth's amazing gift of directing me to look inside myself for answers and not externally. I am now on a wonderful journey of self discovery and growth. Ruth has a unique ability to assist you in the realisation that everyday experiences and feelings, no matter how painful, are opportunities for spiritual growth, and should be honoured. I am no longer worrying about my future, as I know that through the wonderful work I am doing with Ruth, it will become clear, when I am ready."
Myra Wylupek, Edinburgh, Scotland.(UK)
"When I asked Ruth to be my coach, I was facing a huge crisis at work and was on the verge of handing in my notice as a teacher. My self-confidence was very low and I hardly dared believe that I could take control of my life and start to enjoy life again. After speaking to Ruth for an initial chat, I felt exhilarated and confident that I had found a great genuine coach who would help me to become the best I could be. I have had Ruth as a coach for four months and I can only marvel at the changes in my life. I have been able to turn the situation around at work and am now looking forward to moving on in my career. Ruth's coaching sessions have afforded me the chance to regain my self esteem and sense of purpose; her intuition and insights are so helpful and relevant - everything begins to fall into place after a few sessions; I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I'd done this earlier. I cannot speak too highly of Ruth's continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities. Ruth is the dream coach who has given me the confidence to stop worrying and start living again. My quality of life has improved immeasurably in all areas from my career to my social life. I cannot praise Ruth's services enough - I would heartily recommend Ruth's coaching to anyone. Being coached by Ruth is one of the most rewarding relationships I have ever had."
Sue Jamieson, Liverpool, England.(UK)
"Ruth's coaching has helped me to gain the confidence to admit to myself and others that I had chosen the wrong career for me and has given me valuable tools to help me find my true vocation and get from an unrewarding life on to the path to an exciting future doing things that I love"
FLW, UK
"If you do not change direction, you'll end up where you are heading" - Lao Tzu."I feel this quote best sums up the position I was in before coaching. Together we prioritised career options, gave me courage to change negative situations into ones I can take control of and be in a positive position. I have gained a new purpose through my course and the hope of a career in this area. You helped me start this journey."
KP, Lancashire, UK.
Quick Help Links:
Testimonials:
Why people love coaching...
"Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one"
"[coaching] works like magic!"
"You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental"
"I cannot speak too highly of Ruth’s continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities."
"I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I’d done this earlier."
"Ruth is a practical, warm, intuitive, knowledgeable coach... Through being coached by Ruth, I discovered validation of myself and acknowledged that whatever stage I'm at, it's okay. It's not enough to say that Ruth Hadikin is a brilliant coach. It is true, but that doesn't begin to express her deep and thorough understanding of what motivates people and her instinctive knowing of what stage they're at and where they need to go next. Such a skill is not merely valuable, but priceless."
Julie Plenty, Personal and Business Coach, (UK)
"I was not happy at work and this had been a thorn in my side for several years. The exercises we worked through together, particularly the one about personal boundaries have helped enormously. I feel a lot more self-assured and happier within myself. I've learned to trust my feelings and they have served me well. I have decided to work for myself. There is so much to do and a lot of uncertainty but I know that I can make it work. That kind of feeling and inner strength is something I did not have before I started a coaching programme with you. Thanks for your help and support"
Theresa Mc Gouran, Founder and Director, TM Investigations.(UK)
"Working with Ruth as my Life Coach has helped me clarify what's important in my life and as a result I can now see clearly where I want my business to go and what steps I need to get there."
Nicola Hall, Company Director, NbLife Ltd(UK)
It was not just luck that I came across Ruth as my life coach. As an experienced midwife, I found that I was unable to control the stress that was building up in my life. Working with Ruth as coach, my stress level was down by 80% in just over two months! Everything is back in perspective, and I am beginning to enjoy my life again. I consider myself fortunate to have Ruth as my life coach partner, as I progress through this journey of finding the real me."
Jacqui, Midwife, Merseyside (UK).
"There I was a middle-aged woman who had been in the same dull job for years, deciding at the ripe old age of fifty to go back to college and study something completely different. Eighteen months into my three-year diploma course I was teetering on the edge of :'I can't do this, I'm not clever enough'. At that point Ruth became my coach, and changed my attitude towards myself. YES! I am clever enough - I will get through this. Ruth is the best thing. How lovely it felt, just having someone who is completely there for you, week after week for that lovely chat. Plus the beautiful poems and E-mails sent between calls to keep you going. Coaching for me has been a wonderful experience. It has made me see ME in a different light, a much brighter one."
Y.C. Mature Student, Liverpool (UK)
Choosing Ruth as my coach has been the best decision I could have ever made. I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth in the last 6 months under her wisdom, patience, support, understanding, guidance, love and encouragement. Thru our work together I have a deeper understanding and love for myself. I am now able to take my own coaching clients further in their personal journey. When one so precious gives of their wisdom and love it cannot help but spread, lives touching lives, through out all the world. Thank You Ruth, you are truly amazing."
Sandy Tremp, Life Coach, Phoenix, AZ (USA)
"I am very happy I picked you to be my coach. I am particularly pleased because you use your intuition in the coaching process which makes it much 'smoother', and it helps me feel like we are on the same wavelength. It also helps us get to the important issues that much quicker! When we spoke over the phone the first time, I felt that you use your intuition more than any other coach I had spoken with. You've also helped me look at my life with someone else's eyes - now I ask myself questions that you might ask during the call. It is more fun doing it together though! You've been very supportive, intuitive, efficient and fun as a coach, and above all non-judgemental."
M.S. Engineer and Teacher. (UK & Europe).
Many thanks for your invaluable support. I wouldn't have got this far without you"
C.L. Journalist, Lancashire (UK)
"I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out."
S.W.Anaesthetist.(UK)
"[coaching] worked/works like magic! I got through the last 2 weeks... with a much better spirit - using visualisation and affirmation. ..have already presented a seminar.. with help of noticing first signs of tension/panic, breathing and affirmations and it was good. Thank You!!"
M.S. Student Midwife, Scotland(UK)
"During the past six months, I have been fortunate enough to benefit from the services which Ruth provides to assist me through a period of personal and professional crisis. I initially used Ruth's telephone coaching service and more recently the e-coaching service. Without the foundation of professional integrity, warmth and mutual respect which Ruth quickly established, it would not be possible to feel in a "safe enough environment" in which to endeavour to further my personal and professional development. I have often found the advice or suggestions which Ruth offers to be hard to fully grasp or even believe on first hearing. However, so far I have invariably found her ideas to be worth either persevering with or revisiting at a later date. Moreover I have found my confidence in Ruth's coaching (and my subsequent courage to face current and future challenges) further strengthened by reference to other resources such as books and professionals from other disciplines. Using a personal coach is a good example in itself of trying something new which originally felt like moving into uncertain (and frightening) territory. My personal views have changed significantly concerning working with Ruth to such an extent that I would now unreservedly recommend Ruth's services to people from all age groups and walks of life. I have found regular reviews of my progress with Ruth to be invaluable measures and reminders of how much I have achieved and progressed during the past few months. This also serves as inspiration for continuing to work hard with, and get the best from Ruth and her diverse talents and experience. Ruth has made a significant contribution on my journey towards self-discovery and self-worth. I realise that regardless of how long I work with Ruth, there will be many of the changes I am in the process of incorporating into my life including key phrases, topics and advice which will be useful in the future. In particular this would relate to the degree to which one should value and care for oneself."
Clare Robson, IT consultant, North Wales.(UK)
"When I first contacted Ruth I didn't know which direction to take in my life. I had lost my job through chronic fatigue and felt bewildered and unsure about the future. Assisted by Ruth's amazing gift of directing me to look inside myself for answers and not externally. I am now on a wonderful journey of self discovery and growth. Ruth has a unique ability to assist you in the realisation that everyday experiences and feelings, no matter how painful, are opportunities for spiritual growth, and should be honoured. I am no longer worrying about my future, as I know that through the wonderful work I am doing with Ruth, it will become clear, when I am ready."
Myra Wylupek, Edinburgh, Scotland.(UK)
"When I asked Ruth to be my coach, I was facing a huge crisis at work and was on the verge of handing in my notice as a teacher. My self-confidence was very low and I hardly dared believe that I could take control of my life and start to enjoy life again. After speaking to Ruth for an initial chat, I felt exhilarated and confident that I had found a great genuine coach who would help me to become the best I could be. I have had Ruth as a coach for four months and I can only marvel at the changes in my life. I have been able to turn the situation around at work and am now looking forward to moving on in my career. Ruth's coaching sessions have afforded me the chance to regain my self esteem and sense of purpose; her intuition and insights are so helpful and relevant - everything begins to fall into place after a few sessions; I have never felt better. Deciding to work with Ruth is one of the most wonderful and life-enhancing decisions I have ever made; I only wish I'd done this earlier. I cannot speak too highly of Ruth's continual support, empathic manner and superb coaching abilities. Ruth is the dream coach who has given me the confidence to stop worrying and start living again. My quality of life has improved immeasurably in all areas from my career to my social life. I cannot praise Ruth's services enough - I would heartily recommend Ruth's coaching to anyone. Being coached by Ruth is one of the most rewarding relationships I have ever had."
Sue Jamieson, Liverpool, England.(UK)
"Ruth's coaching has helped me to gain the confidence to admit to myself and others that I had chosen the wrong career for me and has given me valuable tools to help me find my true vocation and get from an unrewarding life on to the path to an exciting future doing things that I love"
FLW, UK
"If you do not change direction, you'll end up where you are heading" - Lao Tzu."I feel this quote best sums up the position I was in before coaching. Together we prioritised career options, gave me courage to change negative situations into ones I can take control of and be in a positive position. I have gained a new purpose through my course and the hope of a career in this area. You helped me start this journey."
KP, Lancashire, UK.
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| A FREE online feature to print off and read. Written by Kathleenruth |
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The Coaching Corner series: Beliefs that keep you 'stuck'.
©The Practising Midwife.Reproduced with permission. An original article written by Ruth for The Practising Midwife Journal. This article appeared in the February 2002 issue (Volume 5 Number 2) |
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Donna has created unnecessary rules and restrictions that are running her life
"Whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't you are absolutely right."
(attributed to) Henry Ford
Last month we saw Ginny shift from being overwhelmed to becoming pro-active. This is an issue for many of us. When we feel overwhelmed we become paralysed into inactivity. This is compounded where we don't have a clear goal or sense of direction. Where we seemingly have no motivation we stay put and become more overwhelmed. This, in turn, reinforces our limiting beliefs and increases feelings of powerlessness. Coaching can break this cycle by challenging our beliefs and allowing us to move forward.
Coaching case study
Donna is a 34-year-old part-time staff midwife. She is a single mother with a 4-year-old son and also runs an aromatherapy practice from home. She came to coaching for some direction. She can't decide whether to give up aromatherapy and become a full-time midwife or vice-versa. Her home is in need of repair and she lacks the finances to have essential work done.
The coaching conversation
Coach: Hello Donna, how are things with you?
Donna: Oh you know - busy as usual!
Coach: So what's been happening?
Donna:Same as usual… I have great plans then life takes over and nothing gets done. I go to work, come home, pick Jamie up from my Mums, give him his tea, put him to bed, flop into a chair, then go to bed myself. I'm whacked. I never have any energy to do anything else.
Coach: I see…. You said 'nothing gets done'… it sounds to me like you're getting a great deal 'done', between your work commitments and caring for Jamie.
Donna: Oh yes, I know, but you know what I mean - I don't get to do anything else - it's like I don't have a life! I know it's pathetic but I just don't have time.
Coach: OK Donna, you just said a couple of things that I want to pick up on. Do you mind if I give you some feedback on what I heard you say?
Donna: Not at all, that's why I'm here.
Coach: Good. OK, you said you 'feel like you don't have a life'. Does that mean you want to do more of what you want - more fun stuff?
Donna: Yes! I can't remember when I last had fun.
Coach: Right. Now bear with me… you also said: 'it's pathetic.' That is a judgement Donna, you are judging yourself negatively and criticising yourself.
Donna:OK…
Coach: Do you acknowledge how much you do?
Donna: Well I know I do a lot… I just don't think about it. It's like I'm on automatic pilot - everything gets done, but I feel tired all the time and don't seem to have any time left for me.
I have a couple of questions for you to think about. Does everything have to be done by you? And is everything you do really necessary?
Coach: Ah… you don't think about it.
[Coaching skills note: see previous issues for more on 'mirroring' technique.]
Donna: No.
Coach: Hmm… so I'm wondering how much of what you do, when you are on 'automatic pilot', is what you really want?
Donna: Well that's half the trouble - I don't know what I want, but things have to get done don't they?
Coach: Oh undeniably, some things have to get done… However, I have a couple of questions for you to think about. Does everything have to be done by you? And is everything you do really necessary?
Donna: Hmm…well, I have to go to work.
Coach: Do you?
Donna: Of course! I have to pay the bills!
Coach: OK, are you willing to play with this one?
Donna: Sure!
Coach: What would be some other sources of income for you if you didn't go out to work?
Donna: Aromatherapy, I could build up my aromatherapy practice I suppose.
Coach: OK, what else?
Donna: I don't know.
Coach: Let's just play with this Donna - make it light. Come up with anything. It can be as ridiculous or outrageous, as you like. You don't have to choose any of them we're just playing a game!
[Coaching skills note: playing a game will lighten the mood and encourage Donna to use her imagination. During the game she may well come up with some realistic or achievable options.]
Donna: OK... well, I could write a novel…
Coach: You could! Great! What else?
Donna: I could let the spare room out…
Coach: OK, good, what else?
Donna: (laughing) I could bake cakes and sell them.
Coach: (laughing) Well, you could! What else?
Donna: That's it, I can't think of anything else.
Coach: OK, so you came up with four alternative sources of income, other than going out to work, and if we did this exercise for longer we'd probably come up with many more.
Donna: I suppose so but I wouldn't make much baking cakes!
Coach: Well some people do, but that's just an example. The point is this: it's your belief that you have to go to work that makes you feel you have no choice in the matter. You tell yourself you have no choice and then you feel tired and disempowered.
Donna: Hmm… yes, I can see that.
Coach: Where else in your life do you feel like you have no choice Donna?
Donna: Well in everything… when I get home from work and pick Jamie up… don't get me wrong, I love him to bits, but I have to be there for him and I can't just do what I want.
Coach: OK, can I make a request of you Donna?
Donna: Sure!
Coach: I request that before our next session you come up with a list of things you would do if you didn't have Jamie. Are you willing to do that?
Donna: Yeah that should be easy!
Coach: Great! See you next time, when you can let me know how you get on.
Review points
Let's look at what happened:
- Donna was willing to explore her situation.
- The coach drew her attention to her negative language.
- The coach used a game to challenge some of her beliefs and assumptions.
- The game encouraged Donna to use her imagination.
- The coach made a request of Donna.
- Donna committed to action.
Donna is bound by limiting beliefs and limited vision. Her belief that she can't 'be there' for Jamie and do what she wants to prevents her from even considering how she may accomplish this goal. She doesn't know what she wants because she doesn't give herself permission to want anything.
Also, like most of us, she is probably doing many things out of habit that are not necessary and simply waste her time and energy. By simply telling herself that she is busy because of Jamie, she isn't open to exploring the possibility of simplifying some of her activities or even stopping them altogether. Her beliefs about her situation keep her from exploring options, possibilities and, more importantly, possible solutions.
Reader Comments:
"I take the above publication although I am not a midwife but teach antenatal classes for the NCT. [National Childbirth Trust] Since Coaching Corner became a regular feature I have been riveted to it. Each month it is the first article that I turn to and am always hoping for more when I reach the end. It is so encouraging to see what other people can do to transform their lives and gives great hope to those of us who would dearly love to but are still summoning up the courage. From the very first article I thought that maybe this was what I needed but it took a few months to reach for the phone and call Ruth for a coaching session. We really are our own worst enemies and I need not have been worried.
My session lasted about an hour and even in that short time I learnt several things about myself that I was either unaware of or was unable to admit to myself. Ruth simply encourages you to work things out for yourself, with a few gentle prods to set you off in the right direction. She was most encouraging and has given me several things to think about and things to do. When I have finished those I may well be back for another session.
I feel both the articles and the coaching itself are extremely helpful, being removed from one's normal environment makes it feel somewhat safer to admit that things could be better, if only we knew how to change - well now we can find out.
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