1. Tell someone

You can't keep this to yourself. If you try it will only increase your stress levels. if you have been bottling it up you are like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Find a trusted friend or colleague and confide in them. You can request they keep your confidence and it go no further. If nothing else happens you will feel better for simply having told someone.

2. Be calm

Easier said than done and yet extremely important. We cannot think straight when we are in emotional turmoil. Believe it or not it actually takes discipline to change from an emotionally excited state to calmness. Turn off the TV. Stop reading newspapers. Cut-down all external stimulus and do whatever is necessary to relax yourself. Put on a tape, take a bath or whatever. Then you can check in with how you want to proceed.

3. Record everything.

Write down everything you can remember about the incident(s) as clearly as you can, as factually as you can, and as soon as possible after the incident. After time our memories can become foggy. If you do nothing further you simply keep a record. If you do choose to go further you have begun to collect evidence.

4. Be internally referenced

Listen to your own gut feeling, your inner guidance. Don't listen to what everyoine else is telling you to do and get caught up in the drama. Remain calm and listen to what the still voice inside is telling you to do. It is always right.

5. Decide on a plan of action.

Taking everything in to account, decide what you want to do and what needs to change. Then step by step move forward. If there is a harassment policy at your workplace you may simply find out what it is. You may decide to speak with the bully. You may decide to speak with your manager. Remain as calm as you can and listen to your inner voice - trust your instincts on this. Always ask yourself: 'what is best for me in this situation?'

6. Be fully present

Remind yourself of the truth in this moment. Often anxiety is caused by our minds replaying past events and fearing they will repeat. The truth may well be that in this moment you really ARE safe. Reminding yourself of this can reduce anxiety symptoms.

7. Be self-aware

Be aware of yourself in each moment. How are you showing up for work? Notice your thoughts, feelings and language. Bullies don't bully everyone. They can't. Notice what it is about you, that the workplace bully loves to engage with, and change.

8. Notice your self-talk

How do you talk to and about yourself? You may have low self-esteem or lack confidence. This is usually as a result of negative self-talk. Often we criticise ourselves incessantly and berate ourselves. If this is you, you need to keep this in check and balance it with a more realistic view of yourself. If you only broadcast to the world what your weaknesses are, you are doing half the bullies' job for them, and they will join in too. Learn what your strengths are and play to them.

9. Know your truth

No-one is all good or bad (not even the bully) Know your strengths and weaknesses and build on your strengths while compensating for your weaknesses.

10. Develop a wise voice

Invent a kind, wise voice to talk to you inside your head. Yes, really. Use this wise one to replace the 'inner bully' that shows up through your negative self-talk. Every time you hear yourself criticising or judging yourself stop and ask 'Is this true? What would my wise voice say?'

11. Put your loving attention on you

Too often we become obsessed by the bully and how they need to change. You are only investing more of your energy in them. Stop immediately and put your attention on you. Notice how you put your attention on you. Do you criticise yourself or do you love yourself? Just notice. Be as loving as you can. Look for something, anything, to like about yourself, and re-affirm it on a daily basis.

12. Ten daily habits

Create a list of 10 things that you will do every single day, to love and nurture yourself. One might be going for a walk or taking a delicious bath. You choose. if you can't think of anything, what is THAT telling you?

13. Spend time with people who love and support you.

Choose the most loving supportive people in your circle, those who really energise yiou and make you feel good: and spend more time with them. Receive them into your life and allow them to love and support you.

14. Change your mind

Notice your habitual thinking. You might need to keep a self-observation diary and observe your thinking for some time before you can do this. Notice how often you berate, criticise and judge yourself. Just notice. Don't judge the judge. When you experience negative thinking, practise turning it on its head. What would the opposite thought look like? Try it. How does it feel? If it feels strange- try it more often!

15. Notice how you react and respond

When you interact with the bully notice your feelings, what sensations are in your body? How do you want to react? Again, notice your habitual reactions. Don't criticise yourself. This is who you becomne under stress. We all have a stress personality. Get to know yours. Only through calm, objective, observation can you choose what you want to change.

16. Breathe

Maybe this should go first but you need a certain presence to be able to do this. In the moment, whenyou feel anxiety rising, remember to breathe. When we are anxious we hold our breath - and we close down into our stress personalities even faster. Keep your attention on your breath and you will fel calmer and think more clearly. In any situation all you ever have to do is breathe, and the answer will come to you.

17. Protect yourself

Do whatever feels best in the moment. Shout at the bully, walk away, whatever. It is better to do something than nothing. Being polite or making a joke out of it or ignoring it never works. It only gives the bully permission to carry on. Do whatever your gut is telling you to do in the moment. The bully WILL get the message.

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